There is a great Robin Williams joke where he has had a few too many and is pulled over by the po-po.
As the officer is walking up to the car RW is practicing saying a common phrase all so soberly.
'What seems to be the problem officer? What seems to be the problem officer? What seems to be the problem officer?..okay,okay, I'm good, here he comes.'
'Sir, license and registration'
'Vat zeems tabe depobem- hic -ossifer?'
I'm Robin Williams, without the drug or alcohol problem and about only half the body hair.
(Rowwwr, sounding kinda sexy aren't I?)
|That's my sexy pose,|
Mixture of I think I have malaria ,feel my fore head
Eww, I think I touched something sticky.
That saying of 'You can dress them up but don't give them pie....or take them places that have pie, something like that'. I'm told that all the time.
Example #1 - At bootcamp as usual,(just realized that with the amount of time I talk about bootcamp that people who read this and don't know me must think I am TOIGHT....yeeeah, not.) and I'm looking like all the other boot campers. (To a degree.)
yoga pants - check
ankle socks- check
hair in ponytail- check
Go and sit in my normal spot
Sounds normal doesn't it?
Behind the scenes
-put on tshirt...maybe I'll wear yoga tank top today, arms looking okay,not bad..sitting in car at the end of driveway, suddenly throw car back into park, race in and throw three sizes too big t-shirt back on. Hello, my old friend.
-put on yoga pants- hmm, they're loose on my waist but I seem to still have the dreaded camel toe. Surely you can't develop a muscle on your..."
|...and the problem with my toes is what?|
Spend 10 minutes googling 'Possiblility of exercise giving you a muscular vajajay?'
Wondering if other's have this, spend couple of minutes picturing fellow bootcampers then realizing I'm picturing if fellow bootcampers have muscular vajajay...rinsing brain out with soap.
-ankle socks- sneaking up to sleeping offspring and peeling off socks while they are dreaming about pie.
-sneakers- take out of locked curio cabinet since I spent more time and money on them then I did my first wedding
-hair in ponytail - wash hair, dry hair, pull it all back in messy ponytail so it won't look like I was trying...elapsed time of not trying: 40 minutes, really not giving a shit: 60 minutes min.
Go sit in normal spot- put away shiv, carried just in case someone had tried taking my spot
So that's all fine, but then the Robin Williams syndrome kicks in.
Scenario- sitting on precious spot on floor waiting for boot camp to start
Have E-Reader up as shield so don't have to speak/embarrass myself.
Cute, fit instructor comes up(obviously not having crazy syndrome coursing threw her veins) and asks,
"You're a reading fan I see."
Normal response (I know this as I have read them in books, not because I ever give one)
'Yup, love books. Can't seem to put them down, obviously'
They both laugh politely and she moves on to the another normal person.
|Yuuuup, pretty normal.|
No crazy here, nope, nope nope.
My response (*resigned sigh*)
"You're a reading fan I see"
'More than my own kids, I would run you down before looking up from my book...seriously, dude I would'...awkward pause...followed by trilling insane giggle and anecdote about being a bit of a slut 20+ years ago in Montreal and how I know lot's of Spanish swear words from spanish men I slept with back then.....why this topic? No clue.
|...then there was Vincent, then Alejandro and Henri and |
I'm sorry,what were we talking about?
Hello? hello?...Wonder where she went?
Anyone...just a smidge?
*resigned sigh #2*
(Liar, liar camel toe on fire)