Thursday, 5 July 2012

Bootcamp, three ways. Not a threeway bootcamp, that would just be cleaning of lots of unknown liquids, ya pervs.

Every time I come home from boot camp my daughter/son/hubby asks the same question.

How was boot camp?

I seem to always want to karate kick people in the head when they ask dumb questions like that, but with my new found patience (and the threat of jail) I don't do that.


This actually what I look like when I do it, I have a full size cat suit in the closet.
That's just a really big ass dog.

Back to the family.
 I'm not quite sure why they ask it, 'cause it's not like I come home singing from the Sound of Music.
I scoot out of class like the hounds of hell are chasing me.
Or Tom Cruise is eyeing me for wife number 4.
I then zoom home 'cause I can feel the muscles starting to seize.
I  proceed to worry the neighbors as I sit in my car in the driveway with the door open while having a little nap on the steering wheel.

I'm telling you George there is something not right with that girl.
Who has a specially made cat suit in her closet?
I mean, really, when the Walmart has lots of lovely ones at half off.

When I exercise at all my face turns an especially lovely color of red.
I've had complete strangers ask me if 'I'm okay' through out the years. 
(Hence the cat suit and knowledge of jail with the karate kicks)

So I'm walking into the house with the red face and sweat pouring off me and without fail the question comes.

How was boot camp?
No kicking aloud
Besides you  just finished vacuumed all the cat hair up from the last ass kicking.

I'm not sure if you noticed but sarcasm is bit of a forerunner for me when I'm asked anything.
So I've come up with a couple of slightly insincere answers depending on my audience.

Answer to 11 yr old offspring

Ah, just the norm.
We all gather in a big circle.
The lady who's first wearing the boot, Pam, starts us off with a singalong.
She then passes the boot to Julie who is a bit of a high stepper fan , so then we dance.
Then it's passed to either Holly or the 'other' Melissa and we do kind of individual dances with them.
Then the boot is passed into the center and we all listen as the boot tells us a lullabye so we can take a nap.

Answer to 18 yr old offspring.

Ah, just the norm.
We all gather in a big circle.
Then Bootie, Pam's nickname, brings out the medicinal ciggs.
We proceed to all partake in the 'special smokes', wind up taking our shirts off
and start talking about our periods while sitting cross legged in our bras.

and then the answer to the 52 yr old hubby.

Ah, just the norm.
We all gather in a big circle.
The main rule in Boot camp is you can't talk about boot camp.
Let's just say, a bunch of girls, sweaty, heavy breathing, who are predisposed to talking things off.
(Sneakers, but he doesn't need to know that . He's paying so I have to throw him a bone sometimes.)

B- 'What the hell do I have to do with this blog?'
M- 'You're pretty, just shut up and stand there.'

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