Sunday, 15 July 2012

Put the lotion in the f*#$in' basket!(10 pts in huge giveaway if you caught the movie reference)

I tend to do weird things when I'm bored.
The End.

That's it.
That's the whole post.

Hello? I'm not kidding.


Go away.



I'm feeling kind of sorry for you now since your life is obviously more boring than mine.

I mean not in the way you feel sorry for those kids on tv who haven't eaten for a week.

You- Oh my,  those poor little sprouts- (yeah, I don't know why I'm suddenly sounding like Dolly Parton either)- I just want to gather them to my delicate rock like bosom and feed them jelly donuts till they spew. Now where is my check book? My, that's odd it was lodged under my left boob. Wonder how long it was there?

Come here you cute little itsy bitsy darlings
Why I could just eat you right up, you all are so sweet!

Umm, you know what scary nice lady
We're good eating what we have right here.
Yummmy, sand....
Is she gone yet?

'Oh,those poor little darlin's whatever I can do to help I'll do it -
DING!- oh, my popcorn is ready, yumm, .
Now what was I doing....oh, yeah. True Blood marathon!

That's pretty horrible.

I mean not staying up to date on True Blood weekly just sends a poor life lesson to your kids.
Just saying.

Anyhoo back to feeling sorry for me...or you. Whatever, I can't keep track so let's just focus on me 'cause J'adore moi.
(Mistress of Immodesty folks, not Mistress of Fake Boob Bitches pretending to care about the rest of the world)

I was telling you that I sometimes do weird things when I'm bored.
It was brought to my attention by my eldest offspring when he commented on something in my living room.
Let's see if you notice it in the first picture.

Eek, needing some new furniture.
There goes the frenchmen's holiday plans.
Damn, I'm a keeper.
You'd think I must be really good in bed.
You'd think it.
Anyhoo, did you notice the oddity?

Nope you say? (Ignoring you keeners in the back who already have their hands up, put them the hell down you stupid wankers. Hmm, another career to be crossed off list,Teacher)

Here's another picture closer up.

 No, you boring twats. It's not that I need  curtains!
Imagine if that was it.
Wow, soooooo funny!
Going to tell everyone about this blog with the window that needed new curtains.
Conan, I have this writer for you. She does this bit with a curtainless window..
Bwahahaah.....ah, no.

Still nothing? (I swear I'll cut your hands off if you put them up one more time. Anything to do with children, crossed off career list.)

I'll give you a hint.

Betty, all around cutie pattotie, pee supplier ('cause wood floors can't get enough moisture especially in this hot weather) and distributor of....
Do you get what it is? Do you want a closer look, 'cause if you're still with this blog post you obviously have nothing better to do...
Yup, it's just as pretty close up. Kind of like  a Picasso.
It's a bowl of Picasso like dog hair.
Now this wouldn't be so weird if I had just recently brushed Betty but I did that three weeks ago.
 The weird part is that for some reason I don't want to get rid of it.

My offspring and I had a chat about it and the sad thing is that isn't the weirdest conversation we had that day.

OS - Nice decorating Mom. Hair bowl is the new black this season?

M- I like it, it gives the room texture.

OS - Like Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs thought the women screaming in the hole were just ambiance?

M- Yeah, like that. 

OS- (Eyebrows raised)

M- Wait, this where you tell me I need to get out more?

OS- It's either that or stay in with a lock on the outside of your door.

See, aren't you wishing that you had left when I told you from the start?

1 comment:

  1. I must admit, I was wondering if it was vaccuum cleaner dust!