Are you there, Internet? It's me, Moi.
Everyone rejoice and sing.
|It's a yodeling pickle.|
It is what it is
No funny caption needed.
Normal- uh, run of the mill- um, just regular things have been happening since we last chatted.
Moi-*grumble grumble* me belly is rumbling, offspring let's get some lunch
Offspring- Okay, but only if you stop talking like Fat Bastard.
Moi- But it makes me feel skinnier because people laugh, its when they narrow their eyes at me and nod that I'll stop.
OS- Where do you want to eat?
Moi- Swendy's sounds good. (See how I did that, little writers trick so no one knows what fast food joint I'm talking about. Impressive I know.)
OS- Mom, the cashier is waving you over.
Devils Minion- Dear, what can I get you? Dear..?
OS- Mom, she's talking to you. What are you looking for back there?
OS- What the hel-
DM- Sweetheart, what would you like?
Moi- *muttering to OS* She just called me a bitch.
OS- She called you 'sweetheart.'
Moi- You know how some people will call a giant 'Tiny' or a sumo wrestler ' Slim' or a bald man ' Goldilocks'? Well, I think everyone knows the opposite of 'sweetheart' is ' bitch'.
OS-She doesn't know you well enough to realize that yet. Oh, and about that I don't think Dad likes being called Goldilocks.
|What man wouldn't want to be named after me?|
I like bears, eating numerous bowls of food and naps.
Moi- HE LOVES THAT! I know 'cause every time I call him that in front of his friends he sucks in his lips to hold back a smile and clenches his hand into a fist to keep from caressing my cheek.
OS- Yeah, you're not reading that body language right at all but just go order because you're holding up the line.
DM- Honey, you ready to order now?
Moi- Holyshi-here, OS, hold my earrings 'cause she is asking for-
OS- -YES, we would like two hamburgers plain with bacon.
DM- What else would you like, Darlin'?
Moi- Did my ex husband send you?
DM- Excuse me?
OS- That's everything, thanks. Mom, just go try and find us an empty table.
Moi-*Jeez, they are all dirty, what kind of people work-*
Angel of Swendys- Here, let me clean off this table for you.
Moi- Why thank you. I really need to sit down and relax.
Devil in Disguise- No problem, honey bunch.
Moi-This place is awesome for lunch. We have to come back on Wednesdays 'cause I heard that's when they have fried chicken.
OS- Yeah, who knew that jail was the place to do lunch.