Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Bambi, yodeling pickles and jail. Another average day.


Are you there, Internet? It's me, Moi.
I'm back! 
Everyone rejoice and sing.
It's a yodeling pickle.
It is what it is
No funny caption needed.

Normal- uh, run of the mill- um, just regular things have been happening since we last chatted. 

Moi-*grumble grumble* me belly is rumbling, offspring let's get some lunch
Offspring- Okay, but only if you stop talking like Fat Bastard.

Moi- But it makes me feel skinnier because people laugh, its when they narrow their eyes at me and nod that I'll stop.

OS- Where do you want to eat?

Moi- Swendy's sounds good. (See how I did that, little writers trick so no one knows what fast food joint I'm talking about. Impressive I know.)

OS- Mom, the cashier is waving you over.

Devils  Minion- Dear, what can I get you? Dear..?

OS- Mom, she's talking to you. What are you looking for back there?

Moi- Bambi

OS- What the hel-

DM- Sweetheart, what would you like?

Moi- *muttering to OS* She just called me a bitch.

OS- She called you 'sweetheart.'

Moi- You know how some people will call a giant 'Tiny' or a sumo wrestler ' Slim' or a bald man ' Goldilocks'? Well, I think everyone knows the opposite of  'sweetheart' is ' bitch'.

OS-She doesn't know you well enough to realize that yet. Oh, and about that I don't think Dad likes being called Goldilocks.
What man wouldn't want to be named after me?
I like bears, eating numerous bowls of food and naps.

Moi- HE LOVES THAT! I know 'cause every time I call him that in front of his friends he sucks in his lips  to hold back a smile and clenches his hand into a fist to keep from caressing my cheek.

OS- Yeah, you're not reading that body language right at all but just go order because you're holding up the line.

DM- Honey, you ready to order now? 

Moi- Holyshi-here, OS, hold my earrings 'cause she is asking for-

OS- -YES, we would like two hamburgers plain with bacon.

DM- What else would you like, Darlin'?

Moi- Did my ex husband send you?

DM- Excuse me?

OS- That's everything, thanks. Mom, just go try and find us an empty table.

Moi-*Jeez, they are all dirty, what kind of people work-*

Angel of Swendys- Here, let me clean off this table for you.

Moi- Why thank you. I really need to sit down and relax.

Devil in Disguise- No problem, honey bunch.



Moi-This place is awesome for lunch. We have to come back on Wednesdays 'cause I heard that's when they have fried chicken.

OS- Yeah, who knew that jail was the place to do lunch.

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