Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Pet sanskrit, birthday carnage and I really want some M&M's NOW!.

There is a lot of blogs out there giving advice because as you all know if you have at least one working finger and  a computer then you must be an expert.
(Probably not on snapping your fingers, what with having only one fing...well, you know what I mean.)

So I have decided to post the one thing I know for sure to be absolute.

Do I know the sun will come up tomorrow? Nope, could be the dawn of the M&M for all we know.
Can an M&M really shake his booty that well to 'I'm sexy and I know it'? Only the non naked M&M knows.
She's made out of chocolate
Can talk without a neck
Her eyebrows float in mid air
Yet, she needs glasses?

Can you tell I really want M&M's...

Sorry, back to the exciting announcement!
So here it is.
The one thing I know FOR SURE!  

Do not forget your pet's birthday.

Can you read that?
I'm scared to put it any bigger just in case Crazeecat comes along behind me and reads this.
It is now 6 -3 in favor of the animals in our house and they have a lot of pointy bits poking out of everywhere with no fear of using them.

You're probably wondering why I felt the need to warn you all.
Actually I don't care if you were wondering or not I'm going to tell you either way.

Apparently we missed Sally the dog's birthday today.

Ummm.....Yaaa, ya did!


No awww's!
Not allowed!!

She had a grand time, she took herself to a little restaurant called the compost bin and had a delightful supper of sausages, three day old burnt marshmallow and horseradish.
Then she decided to do a little Sarah 101 and redecorated the kitchen with the less unappetizing bits from the compost.
(To find pictures of things a dog would find unappealing from a compost bin, Google rotting zebra carcass after a week in a lions stomach. Picture that as your birthday cake and then think about what would be considered garbage compared to that.)

Sally then settled in for a comedy show after enjoying her dinner.

This is my comedy show hat....not it's not supposed to be  cute or funny.
It's just a damn fine hat, yeesh!

She watched as the owner (moi) asked the offspring in a sweet manner (shrieked) to take the Crazee cat
out of the kitchen down to the den to keep him from ruining Sally's masterpiece.
Said offspring then slipped in unseen fecal matters (resulted from clashing marshmallow and horseradish in my delicate flower Sally's stomach.) while carrying Crazeecat down the stairs.
Crazeecat decided that he must be falling over a cliff instead of slipping 3 feet off the ground and decided since death was just around the corner that he would practice his Sanskirt etchings up and down the offpsrings arm.
Besides transcribing Sanskrit, he also a fine phlebotamist
and makes a jimdandy cappuccino! 

(We think he was trying to draw the picture of the rotting zebra carcass for you all, 'cause he's just that darn sweet!)

Sally laughed so hard at this she decided to share this by telling everyone loudly and repeatedly at the open window.

Betty, the birthday girl's mom decided that she was a
little embarrassed of her daughter.
So she decided to remind me of her upcoming birthday by
depositing a little reminder(about a gallons worth) just so all this won't happen again.
Thoughtful, isn't she?

So what are your absolute's that you feel free to send out in the universe?
Comment below so I know what kind of experts are checking up on my blog.

गूद्निघ्त (Sanskrit for  Goodnight, see what CrazeeCat has taught us!)


  1. I'm invoicing you for the pants I just ruined by peeing in them due to the hysterics this post engendered.

    I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you, because I just cleaned up three pounds of hair hork from the bathroom floor from my evil feline overlord, Athena the Hun. By that I mean I'm not really laughing, I'm gagging.


    1. Your invoice will be handled by my accounts manager pictured above in the orange suit. May be buried in his 'out box' so please be patient about getting a reply.

  2. A day in the life of Mel's ark!!!! Keep up the hilariousness! Happy belated Sally, eat up girlfriend!

    1. Noah and I used to date but then he was all 'my ark is better than your ark and I have more important investors than you do' so we split up.

  3. I had to visit, as you wrote the most hilarious reasons why you should have a vibrator over at my site, which by the way, never gives away vibrators, which made you comment all the more amusing. Unfortunately, you did not win, but I was pulling for you. Really? I was actually hoping you would win, so much so that I came over her to personally tell you about your loss. I did that for No ONE else because I have a life and I'm busy and that would take up way too much of my precious time. So, I hope in the end you feel like somewhat of a winner because of this comment, even though you lost. PS happy birthday to Sally!!! I will be back and I write in sanskrit, so if you get any odd letters, just pass them to CrazeeCat!!!