Thursday, 4 April 2013

Maybe I'd look good in stripes...and be known as Jingleheimerschmidts ex.

*ring.. ring*
Doobeydoobey doo♪
*ring.. ring*
Oh, hi! How are you?
'Yeah, can I help you?'
'Oh, sorry,  I was calling about getting a copy of my divorce decree as I'm getting re-married in two weeks.'
'Yeah, name?'(#1)
'His name?'(#1)
'John' (It's not but it helps my story.)

'Yeah, and you're sure you are divorced?'
'I'm guessing my ex's current wife hopes so...Bwahahaha*snort*..'
....(tumbleweeds a blowing)

'Um, anyways, yes I'm sure as I had a copy of it before.'
'Yeah, well then why do you need another copy of it?'
Moi's inner voice- 'I'm papering my dungeon with it so 'he' will have a reminder to look at for the next 40 years.'
Moi's boring outer voice-' I lost it while moving.'

'Your name and spelling?' (#2)
'M - O- I.'
'His name and spelling?' (#2)
Moi's inner voice-'Arsehole Vonprobablyaherpescarrier.'
Moi's outer voice-  'John'


Yeah, you sure you got married here?
Moi's IV- I think it will be my third wedding before I'm too drunk to remember the location.
Moi's OV- (Hush, IV)Yes.


'Yeah, you're sure it's John?'(#3)
Moi's IV- 'I'm sure because there was already another Arsehole Vonprobablyherpescarrier in town, so to avoid confusion we went with John.'
Moi's OV-'I'm sure because there was already another Ars-(stop Moi, take a breath and cool down.), yep I'm sure it's John.'


'Yeah, what year were you divorced?'
'You know I'm unsure but I think it was either 96 or 97.'


'Nope, it's not 96.'
'So I can't find anything.'

One minute pause as I recite all the reasons why I can't go to jail for hurting this person.
1. I heard they use cheap toilitries in the 'big house', and I cant go without my leave in conditioner.
2. Doubt if they serve weight watchers meals in there.
4. I don't like the idea of not being able to have complete control over the remote control.

'Could you try 97?'


'What's his name again?'(#4)
'And your is..?'(#3)
'Moi, M..O..I.'


'Yeah, I still can't find it on the computer, (knock knock) oh, hold just a second.'

Are you busy? There is someone here to see you.
Nooo, I'm not doing anything
Helloooo, how are you? Have a seat I'll be with you in one second.

'Yeah, anyways I can't find anything on the computer'.
'What's the name again?'(#5)


'And what's his name again, John was it?What's his last name again?'(# that IV takes over)
Moi's IV- 'Jingleheimerschmidt, middle name Jacob. The m in Schmidt is silent.'
Moi's OV- 'Jingleheimerschmidt, middle name Jacob. The m in Schmidt is silent.'
(We've merged in mutual hate.)

'Yeah, is 'heimerschmidt' all together or hyphenated?'

(Rethinking the spray in conditioner, would be able to make do with 2in1 shampoo/conditioner if I had to.)

'Yeah, I can't find anything here so I'll have to call you back, Toi.'


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