Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Men's junk, Great Dane's giving birth and names for Ben & Jerry's? Or just my mind.

I've been away.
(Moving to the other side of the bed doesn't count as 'away', Moi)
Okay then, I've been busy.
(Watching a Great Dane give birth on line doesn't count either. (um..ewww by the way,)
*Cough, cough* I 'm just getting over a bad..
(Don't even try it, if everyone had a sample of your blood you'd probably cure the common cold.)

Anyhoo, I'm back and being a hermit hasn't stopped me from getting into stupid situations and then handling them so they turn into ever stupider situations.
You are all welcome for making you seem brilliant in comparison.
My bill will arrive in the mail in 3-10 days.

10:59 AM
Moi- Holy crow,  the snow! I have to clear out this driveway.  Geez, all the neighbours have their snow blowers out.
Pshaaw! Lazy arses.
I'm going to get rid of this pesky snow using a shovel and some good old fashioned sweat. (Obnoxious ten seconds of standing on top of snowdrift with hand on hip and waving shovel majestically in the air then reenacting Rocky top of the stairs dance.)

11:01 AM
Goddamnfreakin'whiteshit! Does it ever end? My feet are numb, is that a sign of a stroke or digerydoo disease?
NONONO,get away you stupid snow plow! If you freaking fill in the end of my driveway again, I'll...
(Why the third born you ask, because I'm the third born and we all know how freaking adorable I am.)

77 yr old neighbour comes over with his snow blower just after the wind retraces a shovelful of snow back onto my face.

NB - Snow, eh Moi?

Moi's inner voice- Nope, just a bad coke habit.

Moi's outer voice- MWAHAHAHAHAHAH, YEAH! (Yeah, both voices are scary in their own way.)

NB-I can come over after finishing this neighbour's driveway and blow you out if you like.

Moi's inner voice-Heheh, he said he wants to blow Moi, don't start.

Moi's outer voice- WOW, THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! (Snow blower is loud plus I have 3 hats on so I'm feeling all shouty.) NICE SNOW BLOWER YOU GOT THERE.

NB- Nah, it's just a piece of junk. Us men seem to have a lot of junk, ready for anything.

Moi's inner voice- I love men's junk!  *snort*. Imagine if I said...

Moi' outer voice- I LOVE MEN'S JUNK, HAHAH...(oh,noooononononooo.) I MEANT I LOVE YOUR JUNK..(worseworseworse). NOTJUSTYOURJUNKALLMENSJUNK...( my god,someonestopmepleassse)

I'm not quite sure what happened after that, either I blacked out or I just ran into the house laughing maniacally. All I know is that I have one more neighbour in the 'pretending not to recognise me' category and my driveway has been blown. 

(Have decreed that the driveway will now be named  'Chuck' just so I can have  conversations like this with The Fiance.)

TF- What ya doin'? 

Moi- Nothing much, just watching Chuck get blown in the front yard.

TF- Sorry?

Moi-No, he doesn't look sorry. Both him and the neighbour 'Carl' look quite content.

TF- No, I meant...wait, what's going on in the front yard?

Moi- Chucks getting blown by Carl.

TF- WTF!! Moi, if you're just messing with me again...

Moi- Oops! Got to go. Carl is done with Chuck now, so have to go thank him as it takes a lot of pressure off of me. Toodles!

TF- Mooiii - click-

On the normal side of things, I'm having a couple of short stories being publishedpublishedpublishedPUBLISHED(Odd, my computer keeps wanting to repeat that word.) in an anthology titled PEI Writes Anthology 2013.

You can pick one up for 4 milllioooooon dollars (I have no idea where),  for like $10 for the book (to be given to I don't know who) and the rest as a plea for me to never write again.
If $3,999,990 isn't in my account I will take that as a sign that I am to keep writing.

Chat soon
(But there is another Great Dane due soo..)
Don't look at me, I'm not the dad. I never met that bitch, I mean I meet a lot of bitches but bitches are like... bitches, ya know.
(Besides man, she is like huge!)

 Hush...uh, chat soon.

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