Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Everything french is gooood, unless you're a pain in the ass like me.

  • I'm engaged to a french chef....I'll just pause as you all start muttering about Ol'Yellers 

    unknown mother.

    Yes, I eat good food.

    Wrong, I eat GREAT food.

    When he's home.

    He's only home every six weeks so then I'm forced to go to my second boyfriend Chef 

    (Chef B is a bit of a perv since he's been serving me since the age of 8.)

    He doesn't have a lot of tricks in his culinary sleeve but he's easy and comfortable...sort of like me in high school.

    The frenchmen is a little older which is a good thing because he does things like open doors for me...those door knobs can be tricky!

    Always the one to jump up to turn the lights out when we're both in bed, 'cause lets face it he's seen the clutz I am in daylight so you can only imagine the chaos in the dark.

    Only has one problem.

    He doesn't understand my sense of humor and can't spell.

    Okay, that's two but we aren't discussing my problems here just his.

    I'm mercilessly mean about the spelling...

    But at least he can count to two.

    • my f........ phone not working nobodys phone therre is a blisard herre
    • suprise that internet is working nock on wood

  • January 15
    Melissa Murphy
    • hehe..'nock'. Sorry
    • knock knock

  • January 15
    Daniel V
    • whos there

  • January 15
    Melissa Murphy
    • daniel

  • January 15
    Daniel V
    • daniel who

  • January 15
    Melissa Murphy
    • No,no that's it. Just reminding you who you are and teaching you how to spell 'Knock'. Bwahahahaha
    • I amuse me

  • January 15
    Daniel V
    • aaaaaaah

Sunday, 25 March 2012

Deranged? Insane? Or you just can't keep up?


not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.



Mother to offspring
M-Let me get this straight, if I'm called insane it means I'm 'not of sound mind'. Yes?
OS- Yes
M-If I'm of a mind that is poorly sound, it would mean I don't comprehend sound correctly. Okay? 
M-Now if I'm deranged, it means I'm insane but if I don't hear sound properly, for example someone calling me deranged, then I can't actually be called deranged/insane. 
M-So if a deaf person does something crazy, are they crazy or just deaf and making poor life choices?

OS-'Sigh' There is something wrong with your train of thought.
M- Their all trains going in a direction, just because it's different ways doesn't mean their wrong.

I should probably mention that this conversation all started because she caught me hopping with the frozen rabbit carcass at the grocery store, singing "Hupsha, hupsha, quick like a bunny".

Friday, 23 March 2012

Mistress Heather....umm,nope.

If you came hoping for a Mistress Heather dominatrix sort of blog, I'm sorry to say your in the wrong spot.
So put away the dog collar and lube sunshine 'cause you ain't getting 'that' here.
What's that?
You're already started?
Well here is a tissue and a picture of Beiber dressed up like your mother, so get in the corner and go to town.
While the councilman/minister is in the corner 'repenting' I'll let the rest of you know what this blog is about.
Wait, wait.. I got it.
You know how sometimes you can't sleep at night and you suddenly find yourself watching french soft porn at 3 am?
Stoooopp!! You know you've done it so let's move on.
You usually find yourself doing 3 things.
1. In the first few seconds after 'accidentally' flipping onto the channel, you dart your creepy( yes, creepy) little eyes around to make sure you're alone.
2. Then you do the nice thought that you're conditioned to do,"oh, that poor girl, I wonder what her childhood was like to make her ....hmm, I wonder were she got those shoes?"
3.Then you think," ya know, that particular position would make an excellent argument for the whole hardware floors vs carpet debate, I wonder if Empire floors knows about this?".
That is what I'm about, my mind is always in the '3 am and can't sleep' mode.
Where most people have a filter aka decency, mine disappeared a while back.
(I blame the erosion of the ozone layer and religion for it's disappearance because...unh, not sure why but it seems to work for all the other lazy odd minded people.)
So welcome!