Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Pitt, Bolmer, Clooney and virginal underpinnings...how can your mind not let you read this?

I know I have to put up a post but...
I've been staring at this screen for about two hours, knowing it's time to give it up and nothing.

Hmm, 'give it up'...remember when you were 13, 14,19 21 and  decided it was time to finally 'give it up for Christs Sake!' but there was no one interesting enough to do it with.
(The first time is really just to get it over with and have a good story to share with your girlfriends over drinks 10 years later.
That and for the 'mind altering pleasure his throbbing member gives to our virginal underpinnings!')
Um, excuse me but isn't he supposed to be 'ravaging ' me about now?
Sorry, no, you're confusing Mr. Colbert with someone who actual has genitalia.

I was kind of old when I gave up the goose.

I'm a little wonky.
I've been down there for way too many years just honking to get out!

It was the day of my wedding...my, it was a confusing, scary time but my mother sat me down and chatted with me about the duties of a wife.
I nodded demurely then knelt down with  George holding my bible and turning the pages for me as I prayed. I found him a little chatty though, Ocean 11 this, villa in Italy that, so sick of dating gorgeous women, poor me poor me blahblahblah and it didn't help that Rickman and Pitt were arguing while making my grilled cheese in the kitchen.

Hello, look at this face. I'm so intense  and serious actory like.
Yes 'actory' is a real word!
 It's not?
Maybe it's Shakespearean, I've done lot's of that.
 I can act smart really really good...er, well? Good?

Yeah soooo, I'm all...ummmm.
(Psst, you were the sexiest man ali-)
Oh, yeah, Sexiest Man Alive!
Suck on THAT!
Naner naner naner!!
Finally Matt and I got married and climbed on top of our donkeys and retreated to our cloud on top of Mt. Olumpus with the other gods.
For the life of me I can't think of any  thing to say.
Seems all the blood in my brain has went elsewhere.

It almost didn't work out though, as though he was kind of dumb....*snort* as if that would matter. I've got the alphabet down pat enough for the both of us.

*ring ring*

It was kind of difficult getting a construction crew up on the cloud but some-

*ring ring*

-how we figured it out. Odysseus was very helpful with-


WHAAAAAT?! I'm trying to tell a story here!

Yeeeaaah, it's Reality calling.


Yup, sorry but I couldn't ignore this one. The bible? Grilled cheese? Mt. Olympus? Seriously!

That's what you have a problem with? Not the men?

Nope.Just make it a little more realistic.


There was a enormous flood that washed away everyone in the entire world but me, George, Brad, Alan and Matt.
After a year or so they got sick of  'interacting' with the monkeys and decided 'ah, what the hell' and asked me out.
The End.

That better?
More believable. Thanks!

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