Sunday, 1 April 2012

Remember that saying 'With knowledge comes power', then how do you account for Jersey Shore?

I've never actually seen Jersey Shore...

I've also never seen goat porn but am guessing I wouldn't pick either for t.v night.
(I don't think we are doing this right, do you?)

I have seen the Duggars in action and kind of view them like I'd view E.T.

Cute on t.v. but I'd probably pee myself if any of them showed up at my door.
(Hmm, nice and chunky..he'd be good in a stew)
The Duggars seem to pride themselves on their children's innocence but I wonder how they'd fare when their out on their own.
I try to picture what it would be like for some poor bastard trying to forewarn them about some of the things they might see when their away from Ma and Pa Duggar.

(Is everyone here?)
(I don't know, it was your turn to count them)

Try explaining the Jersey Shore show to the Duggar kids.

Hi everybody, this is a show called Jersey Shore.
“Oh, did that poor girl get beaten because she is a lady of the evening?”
Nope, that's Snookie and thats just her normal makeup”
“I like Sesame Street too!”
No, it's Snookie not Cookie”
“Umm..who is that?”
He is called 'the situation'.”
“Umm...why would his parents call him that?”
He gave himself that name”
“So how do you call him? Do you say 'excuse me, Mr. The Situation'?”
I don't think that anyone in Jersey ever says 'excuse me'.”
“But what do they say if they're wrong or bumps into someone?”
They never think they are wrong in Jersey and would probably beat you in front of cameras if you bumped into you.”

Minute pause

“May I go back to praying now?”

Or trying to explain the Duggars to the Jersey Shore cast.

“Who's that, a new gang?”
No, its just one family”
“Who is that guy that is always around?”
That is what they call a 'father'.”
“Hunh, but what's he doing there?”
He lives there”
“On his days with the kids...”
No, no all the time.”
“Well, what is he saying to all those kids?”
It's called 'talking' to them.”
“But I can barely hear him!”
He isn't yelling.”
“But how do they know which one he is talking to?”
He says their name and before you ask, yes he does know them all.”
“Okay, wait. What's that thing under their head?”
That would be their neck”
“Why would they leave the back of their heads exposed like that though? The father will have no problem cuffing them now.”
He doesn't hit them.”
“Ooh,lost his arms in Iraq?”
No, he just doesn't hit them”
“But then what do they bitch to their friends about in school?”
They don't go to school, they're homeschooled.”
“But where do they go to show off their abs or new D&G skirt?
They aren't allowed to show off their abs and almost all of their clothes are second hand.”
“Second hand..? Does this have something to do with their fathers arms not working?”
No, their father lives with them,his arms work, he doesn't hit them upside the head, they are homeschooled and they can't wear clothes that expose anything.”

(Is this a drinking game?)
Confused silence.

“Turn this off, I dont like these freaks who all want to be build homes and have a second hand under their clothes.”
No, no! They are schooled at home not about homes....ugh, nevermind.”

After rereading this post, am feeling bad for the poor goats so am sending them video of Debbie does Dallas to give them a clue.
Great now picturing goats in cheerleading uniforms._


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